A Search for a Lifetime
by Rana Ninque
Summary: Many years ago Lillith, Celebrian’s sister left Lorien for reasons that were left unsaid. But when she returned for a short while she left a little girl in the possession of her
1. Prologue

If there are any E's with accents over them that don't look like they should be there, it means dot, dot, dot. I tried to fix them all, but I don't know if it worked. Sorry!!! 

_Prologue_

_"Elrond." The man sitting at the desk turned and gave a weary smile to his wife. She looked close to tears. But she had looked so for many a night now. "Yes my love?" He responded carefully. "Oh Elrond. I'm so sorry. I love you all...but...you knew it would happen. I just...I have grown weary at last of my days in Rivendell." She cried. The man wished that he could forestall time forever before she said this final sentence. And that he would sit there on and on and never hear what it was that his wife wished. Not that it mattered. He had prepared himself for this nearly twenty years before. "Yes." He chose his words carefully so as not to show his heart was breaking at this news. "I knew. It is just I got so used to the fact that you might actually heal..." "Oh Elrond! I'm so sorry! I just long for the Havens! It is all I can think of! I tried to heal and stay here and be happy, I just couldn't. I'm so, so sorry! Truly!" The woman cried, sobbing, "It's okay Celebrian. It's okay." And he held her for many minutes. "Elrond?" The woman said once she had composed herself. "I would like to visit my sister and mother once before I go." "Of course My Love." And they sat in silence for the rest of the night._

_ "Celebrian My daughter. You come with sorrow upon you. What saddens your heart?" "Oh dear mother, I have lost all love for my home. I long for something more. I have decided that the Gray Havens may bring the joy of life back to my heart. Yet I loathe leaving Elrond and my children. And you, Father and Lillith as well." The elder of the women sighed. "Alas, your sister no longer dwells in the Golden Wood. She left twelve years ago. She returned a year ago only to leave again. Though she did leave one thing behind. Come with me and I will show you._

_ There lying in the nurses arms was a sweet looking babe. She had hair already growing on her head. It was curly and a lovely red-blond. "She...She is very pretty." The younger woman said. But as they walked on she wondered how the girl could have curly reddish hair. After all, Her sister had the same mystical straight blond as her mother. In fact, Celebrian's hair was the closest to curly that any elf had ever had.___


	2. Chapter One

Sorry everyone, I can't figure out how to make the stars that indicate section breaks. if you know how tell me! 

Chapter One 

Elves danced in the firelight, while the flames reflected the trees golden leaves. The flames sparkled in the eyes of every Elf. But one, in whose eyes the flames dove in and then was lost. For her whose eyes the flames found themselves already had golden flames resting, stirring, and dancing among the green depths of her eyes.

This girl took no place in the dance. Instead she sat in a tree and watched. Her lack of presence had gone unnoticed by most of the Elves for the entire night. She had very few friends. All of whom, she saw, were looking for her. But the one person that she wanted to be looking wasn't. The Queen Galadriel was talking to a strange Elf that Ailysa had never met before. Then again for the most part Ailysa avoided talking to people making it easy for her not to know most Elves.

She was so wrapped up in the thoughts of Galadriel that she almost fell from her tree when a soft voice whispered in her ear. "Well Lysa who would have thought, a tree. Odd place, really not typical." She turned and saw an old friend of hers, Calen.

She hadn't seen Calen for many years but she had heard from his brother, Cuthalion that he had left Lorien to visit his nephew, a young elf named Lindir whose mother had recently died. Calen and his brother-in-law had, according to reports, found refuge for themselves and Lindir in Rivendell. Then Calen's brother-in-law died of heartbreak only three months later. Meaning that it was pretty much up to Calen to take care of Lindir. Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, l had offered to raise Lindir. That is, according to reports and rumors.

"Hello Calen! I haven't seen you around lately. And what do you mean a tree is odd for me?" Calen just groaned and muttered something like 'Have you no sense of sarcasm?' That made Ailysa laugh. When she laughed so did Calen. "Rayon says that you have been avoiding all social contact what so ever." Calen said suddenly and cautiously. "Oh no, not really." Ailysa responded just as cautiously. "Who is that Elf that the Lady Galadriel is talking to?" She asked, eager to change the subject. Calen looked at him for a moment before responding. "It looks to be Haldir. One of the greatest of the Elves of Lorien." Then he looked at Ailysa searching for an answer. "Were is Cuthalion? I would like to talk to him before I retire tonight." Ailysa looked out to upon the crowd. And pointed out Calen's brother. "Thanks.' And he was gone. Ailysa sighed. Now it was back to her, her dreams, and her nightmares.

Galadriel looked up towards the tree. The tree in which her granddaughter had been sitting in a few moments ago. She was nowhere now. Galadriel sensed her husband coming up behind her. "What did Haldir say?" Celeborn asked quietly. "He reported that a band of Orcs had been seen walking north of here and they were not sure if they were headed into Lorien or away but depending on my judging we may want to prepare just in case." "And where are they headed?" Asked Celeborn, knowing that his wife would know already. "Some go back to Mordor others go somewhere that is hidden still from my view." Celeborn nodded. Then Galadriel spoke. " I fear about Ailysa. For the first ten years didn't know what to say. Then I began to feel a little surer of myself. Just at the same time as I decided that she needed to figure things out on her own. Now I'm not sure what is correct." She sighed. It was strange for her to feel unsure. She had always known exactly what to do in the exact right moment to do it. Celeborn on the other hand was feeling the opposite, for they were now in a situation were he knew what to do and she did not. "Talk to her." He said simply. "Tell her how you feel. I'm sure she will understand.' "Perhaps. You could be right.

Ailysa slipped off to her secret place. She knew that it no elf besides the Lady of the Wood was allowed in this clearing, but it enticed her. Though she knew better than to look in the mirror she wondered if it would show her something of interest. This was a place where no one could talk to her or disturb her or tell her she was different. "How many times do they think I need to hear that?" She cried aloud. "For the Valars sake I know I am different I just don't understand why!

"Indeed, as most Elves wouldn't just burst out like that." Ailysa spun at the sound of a new voice. "Grandmother, I...'m so...I...I mean M...M...My Lady, I'm so sorry I did not mean to intrude, it's just so lovely and nobody was here bef" She stopped short realizing to late that she had given herself away. To her surprise Galadriel actually smiled.

Ailysa had always seen Galadriel smile at people but it had always been hard to see because she was always watching from a tree. Ailysa couldn't remember a time when Galadriel had smiled at her. It was usually really important people like that man she had seen Galadriel talking to earlier.

"Lysa." Ailysa looked at her Grandmother startled at the use of her nickname. "You are permitted to go anywhere you please. You should know that. I'm sorry that you don't." Galadriel sighed. "I'm sorry for many things Ailysa. I am sorry for being failing as your Grandmother. I know I never talked to you. I never knew quite what I should say. Your mother disappeared, and then she came back with you. She did not tell anyone who your father was or anything. She disappeared that night again, and I never saw her again. I didn't know how to explain these things. I then thought maybe it is not my place. I hope you understand Ailysa. Ailysa didn't understand, but she decided against saying anything. She just shrugged.

Galadriel walked over to the pool and raised some water out with her basin. As she poured the water into the mirror, Ailysa realized what could be happening. She didn't want to look in the pool yet, but if her grandmother told her to, then she would.

"Lysa, would you like to look into the mirror? Do not be afraid of it. It cannot harm you physically, though you must be prepared to see something that you do not want to see, which might wound you mentally. Will you look?

_I don't care whether the wounds are mental or physical, I don't want to be hurt._ Lysa thought. Nonetheless, she drew near to the pool, whether it was because Galadriel had asked her to, or because her own curiosity had overcome sense, I cannot say. Whatever it was, she went to the mirror and looked in.


	3. Chapter Two

Hello to all my readers! I'm back again! Here is the next chapter, dedicated to Omara Eldu! Thanks for the review! That rhymed! Ok, There is a little bit of Elvish in here, hope it is well done!

Chapter Two

Nothing happened. Then, slowly, a vision formed. A woman, a beautiful woman, ran amid a mighty forest. Orcs were everywhere. The woman's long golden hair was tangled, and her flowing dress was tattered. In her arms, she carried the one thing that she seemed to worry about. It was a little bundle.

The scenery changed, but the characters stated the same. Yrch surrounded the poor woman. The case was almost hopeless. But then, she ran into another forest. This one was familiar to Ailysa. Golden trees with silver bark. Tiny flowers littered the ground. Here the woman rested, finally safe in Lorien.

The scene changed. There was the woman again, but this time, she was within the city of Lorien. She spoke to none other than Galadriel. Ailysa couldn't hear what they were saying, but she suddenly knew that this was Galadriel's daughter. Not the one whom she had heard so much of, the one who had birthed Arwen Evenstar, but the one who was the mother of none other than Ailysa herself.

The woman handed the bundle to Galadriel, and then turned to leave. Galadriel took the bundle and turned up to the mirror. Ailysa could see what the bundle was now. It was a tiny baby.

The scene changed again. Ailysa saw the woman wandering through many forests and landscapes, crying something out. Ailysa wished with all her might that she could hear as well as see what was happening.

Suddenly, she saw a beautiful castle. It had a city surrounding it, bustling with life. She could not see what sort of things that were living there. The castle and city were shimmered with the colours of the rainbow. Gold light surrounded it.

Another picture came into view. This was of a man's face. Ailysa could not see anything else of him. He was dark haired, and had a merry face. His eyes were crystal blue, and his black hair curled.

The mirror went dark. There were no more pictures. Ailysa breathed in relief. Nothing had harmed her. She was fine. Only confused.

Galadriel stood on the other side of the pedestal watching her granddaughter.

"Did you see what I saw?" Ailysa asked.

Galadriel shook her head and replied, "'Twas only in your own mind that the pictures form. I have never seen the mirror's images when someone else is gazing. Only you know what you should do based on the information given by the mirror. However, I will give you a hint, sometimes, the last vision seen, is the most important."

Ailysa pondered this answer carefully. What did that man mean to her? She already knew the answer. In the visions, she had glimpsed her mother, giving a child, herself, to Galadriel. Her mother then went on elsewhere, searching for something...or someone. No doubt she was searching for the man who lived in that city. No doubt she was searching for Ailysa's father.

In that case, Ailysa would do that too.

"Could you tell me how to reach the city with the colours of the rainbow? That is what I need to do," Ailysa asked nervously. Was she really going to take off now, and search for someone whom she didn't even know? But he was her father. She had to find him.

"The city of rainbows," Galadriel said with a reminiscing smile, "is where Lillith always wanted to go. She said that someday, she would fly away and land on the rainbow. I now realize what she meant in her last words to me, 'mother, I've done it." I didn't understand.

Well, I believe that you most travel to Valimar. If I am correct, there is a mighty cliff there called Ninniach Orod, or Rainbow Mountain. Perhaps, once you get there, there will be the answer for you."

Ailysa nodded. She would do it then. She would travel to Ninniach Orod and find her father.

"I will set out in two weeks time. Could I have a map or something to help me find my way? I'm afraid I don't even know where Valimar is, much less, Ninniach Orod," here, Lysa faltered, her doubts overtaking her again. "I...I don't know if I can do this, I...I'm afraid," she admitted.

Galadriel smiled and said soothingly, "Of course you are my dear. Anyone would be, and you, so isolated from everyone else. But think, you'll now know why that is. Why you are different. All of your puzzles will be solved.

As for being able to do it, of course you can. You are the daughter of Lillith, and you are just as headstrong as she is.

As for a map, I've got better. You shall have a guide. Someone who has been to many distant realms. You shall also have a guard. He will be someone you trust. 'Twill be three elves, a girl, her guide, and her guard. They say after all, three is company."

Lysa nodded again, this time, more relaxed. She wasn't going to undertake this journey alone. She would have experienced people with her.

She already knew whom she would pick for her guard. No one but Calen would do. But as for the guide, she would have to leave that to Galadriel.

Galadriel did not tell her granddaughter whom she had chosen, for she doubted that Ailysa would be honoured. Instead, she waited until the day of departure.

The guide was waiting peacefully under the trees at the edge of the wood. He was examining a leaf when Ailysa rode up alongside Galadriel and Celeborn. Calen rode a little way behind the trio.

When Ailysa saw her guide, she almost dropped her jaw in shock. She turned to her grandmother and murmured to her, "Is that not the march-warden Haldir?" Galadriel nodded. "Calen told me that he was one of the greatest elves in Lorien!" she exclaimed quietly. Galadriel nodded.

Ailysa shook her head in wonder. Not only would she be traveling far from her own home, she would be traveling with Haldir. At least Calen would still be there, to hold her ego down. Otherwise, Lysa was afraid that it would run away from her.

The march-warden finally looked up from the oh-so-captivating-leaf.

"Re man Hiril Galadriel, Heru Celeborn, a Hiril Ailysa! Nayes a calith re quent an le alta ararim (Good day Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn, and Lady Ailysa! It is a shining day to speak to your radiant nobles)," he said when he saw them. Ailysa blushed.

"Good day to you Haldir. I trust that you are in good health?" Galadriel asked. Haldir nodded.

"Well then, we shall sit here and eat ere you leave," she declared. Ailysa nodded along with the rest of the company.

The lunch was merry. The excitement of the trip had finally caught up with Ailysa, and she was quite delighted. Soon she would be far away. She wouldn't have to deal with the differences anymore. True, she would miss Cuthalion and Rayon, but she could do without them. Besides, she would have Calen. And, she suspected that the two wanted to spend more time with each other than with her or Calen.

Joy coursed through Ailysa. She wondered if either of the other two felt the same way. She looked at them both.

Calen was obviously excited, but not as excited as she was. Then again, Calen was a bit older than she was, and he had left Lorien before.

As for the other elf, Haldir, Ailysa couldn't tell anything. Normally she could read people very naturally. She didn't like it when she met someone whom she couldn't read. Therefore, she didn't like Haldir. He was unreadable. Not only was he unreadable, he was trying to be unreadable. How rude!

Ailysa turned her attention back to the lady of the wood. It was strange, in all of her life, the equivalent to a human's twenty-three summers, she would have never dreamed of approaching Galadriel, but now, at the end of her life here, she was suddenly close friends with the woman. Just like a grandmother and her granddaughter were supposed to be!

All to soon, Galadriel rose. She spoke to the three.

"All who leave my wood on such a quest as this one receive gifts from me. They always have, and they always will, until I pass into the West. Now, it is time that I bestowed upon you such gifts."

And with that, she gave each in turn something. She began with Calen, who sat nearest to her.

"To you I give this sword. Use it to protect your lady, and yourself. Use it naught for other purposes. It will defend you well if you do as I say." Calen accepted the seemingly simple sword gratefully.

Then the elf-woman turned to Ailysa. "I give to you a lock of you mother's hair. It may come in use at some point down the road," she said as she handed her granddaughter a lock of golden hair.

Finally, Galadriel turned to Haldir. He sat upon the ground, almost indifferent to the gift.

"Now for my faithful warrior. I will to you a stone of Lorien. Perhaps 'twill remind you of home and keep you from wandering too much." Haldir accepted the gift graciously, to Ailysa's surprise, and slipped it in his pocket.

"Now, I fear it is time for me to release you from my company. Farewell daughter's-daughter. I hope I shall see you again. Return safely my friends. Farewell." And the company rose, and set out.


	4. Chapter Three

Saber Apricot: I hope this is a good Mary Sue too! I knew when I first wrote it that it would be a Mary Sue, but I didn't know if it would be good or bad until I started writing it. I still won't unless I hear from people! About Lillith, I did know that it was not a name that Tolkien would have used. I took it from the name "Lily," which I found suitable for a graceful daughter of Galadriel. I followed your suggestion and looked it up on the web. I found that she was the predecessor to Eve, which means life. I also think that the Lillith from Hebrew folklore was wild and free, just like Lillith in this story. Also, being the daughter of Galadriel, who is more respected than her husband, Lillith probably thought that women were equal to men, just like Lillith in the story. I know it might not be the best name, but I don't think that there was anything wrong it. Just my opinion! Please keep reading! I'm very interested in your thoughts!

Chapter Three

            By the end of the day, Ailysa was glad that she had been granted a horse. Even riding all day had tired her beyond anything she thought possible. She rode nigh Calen, and Haldir rode slighted ahead.

            _How arrogant he is!_ Ailysa thought._ He is so high, that he can't even ride nigh his companions! Even though I am in truth of higher rank than he is! Why does he act as though we are forcing him to journey with us? I don't want him as my companion. I would be much happier with just Calen._

            Haldir was thinking similar thoughts about her. _Why does she act so aloof? I feel that if I try to ride next to her I am intruding on her and her friend's private companionship. Why did the Lady send me on this mission if the woman I am escorting doesn't want me to guide her? She acts as though she would rather I just go off and die, and Calen remains to be her companion._

            Calen himself simply wondered why the two of them seemed to hate each other. They were both very nice people. He had never had an opportunity to speak much to the march-warden, and he had been hopping to do that at some point during the journey, but, based on the current status of things, Ailysa would be hiding from the elf for the entire time. And Calen was her only hiding place.

            Ailysa quietly wondered as the sun set whether she was going to have to announce the stop, or if Haldir would take some responsibility and do it. She knew what would happen if she did it. The elf would act as though she was causing him a great burden by asking for rest, and he would look at her as though she was the dumbest thing on earth to suggest a stop now. He would think of her as a weak princess that had been pampered all her life.

But she wasn't! She didn't wield a blade or anything, like her friend Rayon, but she wasn't a spoiled princess!

Tears began to well in Ailysa's eyes, but they went unnoticed by both of her companions. Calen might have noticed, but for the fact that Ailysa had long since drawn her hood over her face. Now he couldn't tell that she was crying, so cry she did. But she cried silently. She didn't want the march-warden to think she was a crybaby too.

It was well after sunset when Haldir finally pulled his horse to a halt.

"My Lady, would it please you to stop for the night now?"

Ailysa nodded uncomfortably. Before she had looked into the mirror, very few people even knew who she was. Those that did didn't worry about titles or anything. They just spoke their mind to her face, which usually contained something negative about her. Because she was strange, only Cuthalion, Calen, and Rayon had ever treated her with entire kindness. At their own expense. They had been cast out of society the minute the elves discovered them hanging out with Ailysa. Everybody else just paired the four together immediately, and didn't think that Cuthalion, Calen, and Rayon needed any other friends.

So they had formed the foursome that everybody had assumed they were. At some point, Rayon and Cuthalion had fallen in love. Though they never admitted to it, everybody but the two knew it.

That left Calen and Ailysa. Ailysa knew that someday she would tell Calen that she loved him, and that he would say that he returned her feelings. But, like Rayon and Cuthalion, they hadn't admitted it yet.

Haldir dismounted and held his hand up to Ailysa. She looked at him confused.

He asked in explanation, "would you like help down from your steed Milady?"

Ailysa shook her head. "I can get down myself thank you."

Haldir merely rolled his eyes and walked over to the centre of the clearing in which they had stopped. Ailysa fumed as she dismounted and joined him.

She stood above him and asked sharply, "Have you a problem with women dismounting themselves?"

Haldir shook his head in response and said nothing.

Ailysa just shot him a glare of pure loathing and walked over to one corner of the clearing. She could hear Haldir making a fire behind her, but she would not sleep anywhere close to where he was. And if he was at the campfire, then fine. She would sleep over here.

She lay herself down on the hard ground, not even caring. At some point, later on, she heard Calen ask her if she would like some stew. She ignored him. Haldir told him that he should be quieter in the future. Calling across the camp could lose all of their lives.

But she no longer cared what Haldir said. Just as long as he wasn't talking to her.

She got her wish. The next day, Haldir didn't say anything to her all day. She chatted happily with Calen instead. She wouldn't let Haldir see her in thought, for he might think that she was sulking. She couldn't have that. No. Haldir would know that she didn't care what happened to his sexist person.

(new scene)

            As the ride progressed, Ailysa began getting sick. Her stomach had been hurting two days before, but she had just attributed it to nervousness. Now it was hurting again. She didn't know what it was. She wondered if it was something she had eaten. But she had eaten Lembas all her life. That couldn't be it. Though she was sure she would get sick of them.

            She didn't come up with an answer. Finally, She didn't want to think anymore. The pain in her stomach was too much to bear.

            Calen didn't notice. He was busy tracking a rabbit. But Haldir did. He saw her pain. Soon after her misery had grown to the highest point; he asked her if she wanted to rest. For her sake, he didn't bring up that it was her discomfort that had brought them to a halt.

            "We wouldn't want to lose Calen. Perhaps we should wait for him here," he said instead.

            Ailysa could only nod. It frankly didn't matter to her what happened regarding rest, so long as she didn't have to put up with this any longer.

            But she didn't lie down or anything. That would be admitting a weakness. She wouldn't admit to weakness. Even though this was her first such trip, and she knew she needed rest. Haldir came over to her.

            "Milady, do you not think that you should rest? I am about to rest myself, and I think that you will need the extra strength that you will gain," He said gently. He spoke more gently than she had ever heard him speak. Then again, he didn't talk all that much. He had probably spoken twice as softly, just not to her.

            However, he did offer a good excuse for laying down. She did need the rest, and everyone knew it. It would save her from admitting the pain. The more she thought about it, the more she was sure that the pain was coming from ridding too long. Though she didn't know anything about ridding, she did know that people were all bruises if they rode for a long time. Or, at least, many were.

            Ailysa didn't awake until late that night. She saw the fire burning low, and that, beside it, Calen had left her a piece of the rabbit. _Thank you Calen. That was kind of you, _She thought. As she got to her feet, she realized why she had been experiencing those pains. Something she hadn't even thought about was causing a problem. _So this is why no women go on adventures anymore. They realized what an inconvenience it was,_ she thought.

            Surely Galadriel had thought of what to do when Lysa's monthly cycle came around. Surely she had packed extra cloths. Sure enough, she had. Ailysa realized what an idiot she was. She really needed to get a hang of her responsibilities. It should have been she who thought about the fact that her cycle was nearing. She should have packed the extra cloths.

            As soon as she had washed herself and fixed the new, thicker, cloth, she washed her old clothes. It was lucky that they had camped near a river, and Ailysa didn't know when they would have the opportunity to wash again.

            By the time she reached the camp again, she was burnt. She barely managed to eat a few bites of rabbit before falling into a dead sleep.

(new scene)

            Calen woke partway through the night. He was shocked at first to see that he was on the ground, rather than in his tree. But then he remembered. He had agreed to journey with Ailysa to Ninniach Orod to find her father.

            He glanced over at her, she lay sleeping, but apparently she had woken at some point. Her hair was wet, and she had changed her clothes. He wondered why. He then glanced to the rabbit that he and Haldir had left for her. It was only partially eaten. _Strange,_ he thought.

            Haldir was also sleeping peacefully. Calen rose and walked to the stream for he suddenly couldn't sleep.

            When he reached the stream, he thought about his family. Cuthalion mostly. He wondered what his brother was doing. Was he with Rayon? Did he miss Calen as much as Calen missed him? All these thoughts drifted through Calen's head, and then left him thinking of other things.

            He glanced down into the stream, resigned. He didn't know why, he suddenly didn't feel happy. In the stream's waters he saw himself. But he saw himself lying open great fields, his face whiter than the cloudy sky above him. He saw Ailysa running up toward him. Oh Ailysa. He glanced behind him and saw nothing. When he glanced back to the water, he just saw silver water running over little pebbles. Nothing else was shown.

            Calen rubbed his head and retreated to his camp. Something silly, it wasn't anything. There was no foreshadowing in that vision. It was simply the product of an exhausted mind.

            Yet somehow, he knew that his time was nearly up. So he decided to make the most of what he had. He didn't want to die without knowing what Ailysa felt toward him, or having her know how he felt for her.

            He would make this most of his last days. At least, he would try to.


End file.
